Few things have quite the efficacy of reminding you to mind you own business as do social faux pas–especially those involving numerous people. I had one of those the other day and it was quite a mess, so I thought I would share it with you for a few laughs.
I was having lunch with a group of about twenty friends recently. Seated across from me was Leigha, one of my younger friends. Everyone was winding down from a great meal and pleasant conversation. That’s when Matt walked by. Matt was a relatively new server; he had probably been there for a couple of months. Leigha couldn’t take her eyes off of him.
Our table was practically against the wall of this restaurant and this particular wall turned a corner and opened up into a corridor of other tables. Matt walked by, turned the corner, and continued down the hall. Leigha sighed.
“Who is that?” she asked. “He is so cute.”
I told her who he was and her next question was whether he was single. “I am not sure,” I said, “but we will find out.”
It was a few minutes before Matt walked by again and, when he did, I called him to the table.
“Matt,” I said, “interested parties would like to know if you are available.”
Matt smiled, raised his chin confidently, and said, “Yes, I’m single.”
“Okay, great,” I said, “thank you.” He walked off.
Leigha grumbled. “Why did you tell him I liked him?” she asked. I told her that I hadn’t. I said interested parties but I was vague.
Another friend, Christie, chimed in, “Yeah, that didn’t tell him it was you who wanted to know.”
Leigha said, “Well, okay. Maybe not. But I wonder how old he is. He is confusing. He could be anywhere from 17 to 27.”
“That’s a good question,” I said. “We’ll find out.”
Leigha slid down in her chair in order to prepare herself. “Oh, no!”
When I noticed Matt walking by again, it was too late for me to catch him. However, Sally, another of the servers, was right behind him. She is truly one of a kind. She is one of the seasoned servers, having been there for many years. One could search the world over and never find anyone quite like her — naturally hilarious, outrageously countrified, considerably clueless . . . and very hard of hearing. And here she was at our table.
I tapped her arm. “Sally, how old is Matt?”
“Oh, ya lookin’ for ya hat? Lemme get Donna. Hang on.”
We all started laughing.
“No, no, no,” I said. “How old is he?” I asked, pointing behind me in the general direction Matt had gone.
“Oh,” said Sally, “well, I don’t know. Hey, how old are you?” she asked a random man at a table around the corner behind me (and completely out of my sight).
My jaw hit the floor as I leaned out of my chair to see if I could tell who it was. I couldn’t see a thing from my position. Evidently, he couldn’t see me either. Everyone at the table was hooting with laughter.
Sally said, “Yeah, she wants to know,” pointing at me. I threw my hands up to my mouth, in an attempt to stifle my overwhelming mirth when Sally continued, “Yeah, she’s single. Just look at ‘er. My gosh, she’s beautiful, ain’t she?”
This really countrified man eagerly jumped up out of his seat, turned the corner, looked me up and down with a huge grin and said, “Yeeeeeeeeeeah! Heeeey!”
He was very eager. I ducked under the table, laughing so hard I was crying. Everyone was in stitches. I only wanted to find out how old Matt was. I could barely breathe for the laughter. All I could think was, No! No! No! No, I only wanted . . . no! What a huge mess! What the absolute heck!
Sally said, “Maybe you can switch numbers or som’in’,” and walked off.
At some point, Christie had gotten up from the table unnoticed and was now returning. “Matt is 19,” she said to Leigha.
Well, good! At least that’s settled! I leaned up from under the table, trying to catch my breath. I noticed that the man had walked away.
A few minutes later, Sally returned. She said, “He’s 34 and says he’s single as of today. His wife text him this mornin’ and told him she was through with him. We’ve heard that ‘un before, haven’t we?”
So, don’t let good deeds go unnoticed! In fact, why not let everyone have a good laugh at your expense? You never know what’s lurking around the corner! Gee . . . .
Let this be a lesson (or reminder) for everyone. It never works to chase a man, even if you want your friend to chase him for you. Invariably, something will interfere. If a man is interested, he will find a way. If not, rest assured that the unavailable men will! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Here’s to all the ladies who keep to themselves,
Danica De La Mora